Winners, Sinners and Grinners.

So Charlie Sheen is capable of bi-winning eh?? Pfft. Round here, we do TRI-WINNING!! Yes, that’s right, the time has come to announce the results of the first ever Social Assassin competition, the Haiku Hoedown, and in an extension to the publicised two prizes that were up for grabs, I’ve added a third prize as well, because that’s the kind of guy I am, and because I bloody well can.

So let’s not keep you all in suspense……here are the winners in REVERSE ORDER!!

3rd Place: The Assassin Foundation ‘Mentioned in Dispatches’ Award for Comedic Genius goes to……  BECKY!!! Go Becky, you done gone won yerself the special extra prize, awarded for the fact that your Haiku made me laugh so hard I had to check my pants (non-bacon variety) for soiling. A box of mystery gifts and stuff cluttering up my house is yours, you lucky girl!!!

2nd Place: The Assassin Academy Award for Gratuitous Talent in the Haiku Arena goes to….. MISTY!!! Woop woop, your mad Haiku writing skills and vast wealth of entries have bagged you second prize! Sadly due to Health and Safety guidelines this will now no longer contain a bag of my toenail clippings, but other funky gifts will take their place in your package of presents!!

And finally, in 1st Place: The Social Assassin Lifetime Achievement Award for Ritualistic Rhyming and Haiku Heroism goes to……..
JEN!!!!!!!! Lights, Cameras, Gushing Acceptance Speech!! Jen beat the rest of the field to the Haiku that made me smile the most with this sterling effort:

Tall, Grande, Venti. . .
What the fuck happened to
Small, medium, and large.

  Jen, your very own decorative Haiku as well as a whole box of other unwanted cheap rubbish amazing hand-picked prizes will be on its way to you shortly!!

  Many thanks to all of you who took the time to submit entries – there were some great attempts in there and it was much harder that I thought choosing a winner!! Our lovely triumvirate of winners should email me at with addresses for me to send their swag to, and this is the same email address if any of you want to suggest competition ideas, set blog challenges or otherwise harrass me. But for the record, NO, there will be no more bacon pants pictures, nor are they available for private orders.

  Next time we’ll be returning to the second and final installment of my ‘Idiots Are In Season’ post and normal sarcastic service will resume, but until then thank you all for helping to mark the 1yr birthday of my blog (and my 21st …ahem) with a great competition and some wonderful comments. Soft squishy love to each and every one of you.

The Assassin.